ATTENTION: HAVE GONE BACK TO MY OLD XANGA.. BUT ADD ME ON UR LIST IF UR NOT ALREADY ON THERE!

saturday, hmm and the first half was a rather boring day.. gee.. hmm so i did all those feminime stuff today, fixed my hair and all that crap.. i watched hokus pokus, i love that movie! haha, okae so then i got a call from ronald and we talked for about 2 hours? i don't remember okae so then my sister went online and i went downstairs and did some homework. Luckily i finished algebra homework. my dad was being soo awsome today, he gave me and my sister some oysters, ahh those are soo good.. lol, well my parents and my sister and i went to joanna's house because my dad wanted to watch boxing with the guys.. pretty fun.. i just stayed wit ki-ann, mark, brando, steph, and joanna.. we played around with the digital camera. peeeeeeerrrrdy kewl.. oke.. so then i went home.. and i finished the night off talkin to ronald.. gewd night..

sunday, WILL WRITE LATER, i promise! haha

dear journal im really hoping that i don't feel stupid about what im gettin myself into, i haven't been in a real, life like relationship in such a long time and its soo crazy to belive that i like a boy.. i haven't been with any other guy aside from justin so its weird ya noe! man, this is going so crazy. I feel like we're just buddies, so i'll keep my feelings to myself. The timing with hopefully be right, when feelings are seriously revealed. and thats seriously how i feel. i had a good conversation with aileen a while ago, man. I miss chillen wid all my old homegirls, i've changed so much from all my days. and i notice it yeah. There are things about myself that I am so ashamed of, I wish I could go back to my old self, but everyone knows you can't just change yourself. Damn, well people told me otherwise, I've changed for the better, thats always good to hear. It's good having friends from like, everlong ago be able to tell you that you've changed for the better. Dang relationship wise, I think I'm a failure. I'm soo blind in knowing what I have, I wish I would stop messing with guys' minds and just NOT take them for granted. I always loose the key to my heart because I'm so stupid. I really need to improve on my skills, especially for the fact that I just can't see how much someone means to me, unless thier gone. The one thing that I've seriously prayed to God about is to give me someone that will take me away from all my drama, and someone who will allow me to love like the Lord. I really pray that someday, I'll find love for me to love like our Lord Jesus Christ. Unfortunatley, I'm so blunt, I wish I could be right about this relationship. Honestly, just because of all the reasons I wish he was mine, I wish he wished the same thing as me. All that seriously passes my mind is..

          I wish,

                 I wish,

                       I wish,

someday, somehow, I'll know whether its Love or not, as for this day. I am one who's never  experianced Love, except with my family and Lord Jesus Christ! _to all I've used the words on, I'm sorry, I was young, and I was stupid, I'm much smarter now a days._

ANOTHER FREAKING DAY

Morning, guhh.. woke up took a shower, tried to play with the curling iron, just got myself ready.. i was really lookin forward for today.. anywaiz.. i got to school.. and kicked it with patrisha and sunshine, then nikka and brit.. man.. brit is soo cool.. we have a notebook... =] the one thing i have to smile about today.. FREAK. i hate today..

first, we played baseball, but thats craP, i didn't do n e thing.. did the usually laughing with katherine.. but watevers.. second, took my test.. yeah.. i noe i did bad.. whatever.. third, i hate this class.. fourth, watched a movie.. Lunch, i didn't stand u up i waited by Marks Locker, and didn't find mye "favorite sophmore"  so watever i just walked with nikka .. she's my elbow holder, my one and only.. well we went to our c5 spot with the chiqs and we went to the halo halo meeting.. yeap.. REALLLY fun, i guess.. anywaiz.. ronald was there.. i guess.. he was .. "ignoring" me.. wahtever. crap. . (DID I MENTION I HATE TODAY) well at lunch i was really hyper so i jus chilled wid nikka, it was funn.. we were all goin to class and there were these hexagons.. and i was jumpin from block to block.. and.. then i noticed justin yu laughing at me.. eww.. LOSER! haha.. i guess. anywaiz..5th period, lyons, typical.. she always makes fun of lucy man.. its sad.. but i think lucy can take it.. 6th, keyboarding, nuff sed..afterschool, dang i was all talkin to mark.. and then i didn't know that i met him off youth rally.. SORRY.. FRIENDSTER!! yeah.. so like i kicked it wid him and nikkz.. thats it basically.. didn't talk to him the whOle day.. whatever..

later, so my sister and i went to food 4 less and shopped, we headed for hunington beach and it was EMMMMMMMMMPTY. so we set up for ken's suprise party, then there were these guys who were lookin at me and kiann play relays, then they were all, dang u weren't fast enough. Haha okay so eventually the guys asked my sister for her number and that crap, watever.. so anywaiz.. No ONe was tehre for like..EVER.. so like an hour after jerome and erik got there we left, damn it was traffic.. well i was really excited for this whole football game cuz i was hoping, hopefully i could .. talk to him.. but yeahP.. on my way home my sister said that she didn't feel like going to the game.. but she'd "drop me off" so watever.. i ended up not going, gosh now my sister left for the stupid LA COUNTY FAIR without mee.. cuz of her stupid selfish boyfriend. UGH.. makes me so frigean mAD.. it sucks how im not close to kareen and ken anymore, not only because they'd take me out.. but because they would atleast care about me.. well.. gee.. right now.. im cryin.. really hard.. because i already lost kareen, kent.. to thier friends/significant others.. and now.. i lost kiann.. and the fact that i can't talk to boys..make it even worse.. what else do i have.. my friends are like tearin apart on the 2nd week of school.. *sigh*.. my mom is always chillen wid my other sisters or watever.. i can barely talk to my dad.. and the one guy im really starting to like..can't even tell me whether he REALLY likes me or not, its so frustrating.

geez, i'm so alone..

-confused chiq